The Emotionally Abusive Relationship – Beverly Engel
Emotional abuse can be harder to recognize than physical abuse, but it can be just as damaging. Constant criticism, humiliation, control, manipulation, threats and withholding of affection can erode a person’s self-esteem, confidence and sense of reality. Beverly Engel, a marriage and family therapist and author of many books on abuse and recovery, offers guidance in The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing.
Engel explains what emotional abuse is and describes its many forms, including domination, verbal assault, abusive expectations, emotional blackmail, unpredictable responses, constant chaos, gaslighting and character assassination. She helps readers recognize whether they are in an emotionally abusive relationship, whether with a partner, parent, friend, boss or coworker, and explores why people stay in such relationships and the effects of abuse on mental and physical health.
Unusually, the book addresses both sides of the problem. Engel recognizes that in many relationships both partners may engage in abusive behavior, and that many people who are abusive do not realize it or were themselves abused in the past. She offers strategies for those being abused, including building self-esteem, setting boundaries, confronting the abuser and deciding whether to stay or leave, and for those who recognize abusive patterns in themselves and want to change. She also addresses couples who wish to work together to break the cycle.
Compassionate, clear and practical, with questionnaires, exercises and case examples, the book is a helpful resource for anyone affected by emotional abuse.
It is not a substitute for professional help, and anyone in danger should contact local support services or emergency services.
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