Difficult Conversations

Difficult Conversations – Bruce Patton

Asking for a raise, ending a relationship, giving critical feedback, confronting a colleague or apologizing for a mistake: we all face conversations we dread. In Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project offer a practical framework for handling them with less stress and more success.

The authors explain that every difficult conversation is really three conversations. The What Happened conversation involves disagreements about facts, intentions and blame. The Feelings conversation involves the emotions that are often unspoken but powerfully influence the discussion. And the Identity conversation involves what the situation means to us and how it affects our sense of who we are.

By understanding these layers, readers can move away from arguing about who is right and who is to blame, and toward a learning conversation in which both sides try to understand each other’s perspective. The book offers practical guidance on separating intent from impact, acknowledging feelings, listening with curiosity, expressing yourself clearly, and solving problems together.

Drawing on years of research and experience working with individuals and organizations, the authors illustrate their advice with realistic examples from work and personal life.

Clear, compassionate and highly practical, Difficult Conversations is an essential guide for managers, professionals, couples, parents and anyone who wants to communicate more effectively when it matters most.