Nonviolent Communication – Marshall B. Rosenberg
Many conflicts, at home, at work and in the wider world, arise not from bad intentions but from the way we communicate. Judging, blaming, demanding and labeling others tend to provoke defensiveness and resentment, even when we are trying to resolve a problem. Psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg developed a different approach, which he called Nonviolent Communication, and in Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, he explains how it works.
The method is built on four components. The first is observation: describing what is actually happening without mixing in evaluation or judgment. The second is feelings: identifying and expressing how we feel in response. The third is needs: recognizing the universal human needs, such as respect, safety, understanding or autonomy, that lie behind those feelings. The fourth is requests: asking clearly for concrete actions that could meet those needs, rather than making demands.
Rosenberg explains that these components apply in two directions: expressing ourselves honestly and receiving others empathically, listening for the feelings and needs behind their words, even when those words sound like criticism. He discusses how to express anger fully without blame, how to use empathy to defuse tense situations, how to say no while maintaining connection, how to free ourselves from guilt and depression driven by harsh self-judgment, and how to express appreciation.
Illustrated with dialogues and examples from families, schools, workplaces and conflict zones, the book shows how this approach has been used around the world.
Clear and transformative, Nonviolent Communication is a widely used guide for parents, teachers, managers, therapists, mediators and anyone seeking more compassionate and effective relationships.
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